just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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