he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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