im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
