That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
