I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
