woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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