so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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