Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
