DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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