franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
