Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize