Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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