This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
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