you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
