Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
there was a trapeze. enough said
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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