So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
