Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
