Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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