Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
