In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize