apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize