Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
