Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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