I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
