You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
