So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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