Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
