I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
