Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
