I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
