he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
