Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
