When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize