Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
