I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
