Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
