I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize