i think my mom watched the whole time
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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