I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
