Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
