how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Randomize
