there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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