Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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