dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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