Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
