i just wanna soil my oats bro
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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