No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
