its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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