I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
