i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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