I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
