No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize