I think i peed on brittanys purse
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
