i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
