On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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