I wish my penis had an off switch
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
