mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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