Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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