Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize