So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
