I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
