I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
