i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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