i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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