i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
