I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
