I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
