GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
