how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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